It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like…Grumpmas.

You’d think that this would be the time of year when the Grump is at his grumpiest.

You’d be wrong if you thought that.

Actually, I love Advent and Christmas, especially now that I don’t have all the pressures I once had when I was the pastor of a local church.

Back then, I was a real jerk during this season (Just ask my wife and kids).

Why do we pile on so much crap in churches during this season? It’s not like there’s precedent for it any other time of the year. After all, you don’t see people having church Easter gatherings during the second week of Lent. Christmas comes with its own special forms of mass delusion and mob mentality. During no other time of the year are people as obsessive about having everything “just so.” (Well, there are some people who are like that all year long, but they’re special cases, and should be dealt with accordingly. By that, I mean committed to an institution.) It is the “just-so-ness” of Christmas that always drove me crazy when I was in the church. Some prime examples:

1. Over-the-top decorations that no sane person would ever (EVER!) have in their own home, which are somehow foisted upon the church. I’m talking about three-foot tall light-up angels, gaudy gold ribbons and bows, and utesy-cutesy baby Jesus’s that would make the Lord himself throw up in his mouth a little.
2. Dinners, gatherings, potlucks, carol sings, concerts, children’s plays, cookie walks, parties, and a plethora of obligatory gift-giving occasions, usually involving a “Five to ten dollar limit,” leading to a trunkful of Christmas kitsch, which will of course be re-gifted next year.
3. A round of worship services that must be “just-so” (read, “ALWAYS THE SAME AND NEVER CHANGING EVEN ONE BIT, PASTOR!!!)
4. Poinsettias.

Since I have been in campus ministry, I have largely been able to avoid most of this mess, and I am much freer to only attend those events to which I am naturally inclined (which is few). This has freed me up to celebrate Advent as a season of true preparation and introspection, rather than as a consumeristic orgy of buying and getting. (Plus, I do all of my shopping online now, so I avoid the jerkwads in the stores.)

My solution to the Christmas blahs and blues? Just drop out. Have nothing to do with it. You may piss a few people off every now and then, but it’s much better for your health, and for the health of those around you. Especially if you’re a Grump like me. Focus on what brings you closer to Christ, and not so much on the “just-so” add-ons. Get your Advent one, and then with the ancient words of the hymn “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel”:

Rejoice! Rejoice!
You Grumps and schlubs rejoice!
Christmas will come with or without your choice!

Merry Advent,

The Grump